


You Will Hear Me Out

by TheBretonBookDragon



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canon Rewrite, Drama, F/M, Horizon (Mass Effect), Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect), Romance, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBretonBookDragon/pseuds/TheBretonBookDragon
Summary: Or...how speaking to Kaidan on Horizon should have ended. Renegade FemShep and Kaidan.
Relationships: Female Shepard & Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Kudos: 9





	You Will Hear Me Out

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect...but I do own a Shenko mug.
> 
> Hello, again! I don't know about you guys, but the encounter on Horizon in ME2 always made me super angry. It was stupid and made no sense, so I fixed it for my Shepard. She's a renegade spacer, sentinel class, and the Butcher of Torfan. She's pretty scary, but she has a soft spot for Kaidan. There's no way that she would ever just let Kaidan say what he says and then walk away.
> 
> So, here's what I think should have happened on Horizon. Some of the dialogue is from the game. Please read and review!

Collectors. Collectors are everywhere. Frozen colonists. Warped Reaper creations. Shepard can't believe what her eyes are telling her. The humanoid creatures running at her look like the husks she fought back on Eden Prime, but they're not quite the same. There's something more disturbing about them—something insidious. That's not even taking into account the abominations, scions, cannibals, and marauders either. What a way to wake up after being dead for two years.

After hearing that Kaidan was on Horizon as of about half an hour ago, Shepard's mind hasn't shut down. For him, it's been two years; for her, she was with him just a few weeks ago. He may have moved on, but what if he didn't? Would he ever want to speak to her again? She quickly pushes those thoughts far into the back of her mind. She won't live to ask him those questions if she's distracted. Garrus and Miranda follow close behind her as they arrive at the communication tower controls. "Okay, guys. Let me set this up." She pulls up the information on the screen and activates her omni-tool. It doesn't take a very long time for it to be going forward, but she should have known that things weren't going to be so easy.

A flood of reaper forces and Collectors, larger than any that have come after them so far, appears and begins attacking. She orders her teammates into a proper formation, and they attack the seemingly endless forces. Pulling the Carnifex out of its holster, she plugs in a new thermal clip and fires into the crowd. Each shot hits her target perfectly, and Garrus' sniper rifle hits any of those that are missed. Miranda has been warping any targets that get too close, and Shepard has been throwing her own warp at the stragglers. It's a solid defense, and the enemies are gone quickly.

That is, until the Praetorian shows up.

"Oh no," Garrus whispers.

Shepard's gray eyes widen as she takes in the impending form of the Reaper creation. But she's Shepard; Shepard doesn't get to be afraid. Not for everyone to see at least. "All right," she states authoritatively, pulling the Collector particle beam from her back. "We're going to try this out. Guys, go take cover and fire at will."

"Understood," Miranda barks.

"You got it, Shepard," Garrus replies.

Shepard brushes her short red hair out of her face where it has fallen. This has been a high-adrenaline fight. She steels herself and aims the particle beam directly at the Praetorian. The beam kicks back a bit when it's fired, but it does an incredible amount of damage to the target. Combined with Garrus and Miranda's attacks, the trio kill the monster within a few minutes. If it didn't put up a shield to regenerate, they would have been able to kill it much more quickly. EDI and Shepard finish activating the tower, and it fires at the Collector ship, causing the ship to exit its orbit around the planet and leave. Shepard breathes out a sigh of relief, but it is short-lived when Delan comes running from his hiding place.

"No! Don't let 'em get away!" he yells at the sky.

"There's nothing we can do. They're gone," Shepard says sorrowfully but with no room for argument.

"Half the colony's in there!" Delan protests. "They took Egan and Sam and—and Lilith. Do something!"

"I didn't want it to end this way!" Shepard asserts, gray eyes flashing. "I did what I could."

Garrus looks at her from his place at her side. "More than most, Shepard." As usual, Garrus knows just how to make her feel better, and she manages a small half smile for her Turian best friend.

"Shepard?" Delan spits. "Wait. I know that name. Sure, I remember you. Some type of big alliance hero."

Suddenly, a warm voice cuts through the air. Shepard feels her heart catch in her chest as the voice washes over her. Shepard is ruthless, born and raised in the stars, but she can't seem to prevent herself from letting her guard fall around Kaidan Alenko. He's her one weakness in the universe. And he's walking toward her right now.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel," he recites with a faint ghost of a smile on his face. Shepard is fighting to keep herself in check. It won't do for the frightening Commander Shepard to throw her weapons to the floor and pounce on Kaidan. The man in question turns to Delan. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

"All the good people we lost and you get left behind," Delan spits at Kaidan. "Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types." He dismisses them with a toss of his hand and shuffles off.

Shepard sneers at his retreating form and reminds herself that she can't just kill everyone who's an idiot. Her attention is taken by Kaidan moving toward her. His face is unreadable until he gets within touching distance. It takes everything in her not to reach out, but he beats her to it. His face softens ever so slightly, and he pulls her into a comforting embrace. She sighs and relaxes into him. "I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

If one were to ask Shepard, Kaidan pulls away far too soon. Still, she has to maintain her outward appearance of ferocity and fortitude. She gives him a small smile. "It's been too long, Kaidan. How've you been?"

"Is that all you have to say?" he asks, disappointment lacing his tone. "You show up after two years and just act like nothing happened? I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

Shepard's anger is roused by his tone and accusations. "And how was I supposed to contact you when I was comatose for two years? I only woke up a few weeks ago after Cerberus rebuilt me."

His eyes narrow at her statement. "You're with Cerberus now? Garrus too?" He takes a few steps back from her. "I can't believe the reports were right."

Garrus interjects with his own question. "Reports? You mean you already knew?"

Kaidan looks back at Garrus. "Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. I got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead—that you were working for the enemy."

"Cerberus and I want the same thing: to save our colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them," Shepard defends sharply, pretty offended that he would think that she would be roped into something that she didn't want to do. That's just not her style.

Kaidan advances on her, his face contorted in disgust. "Do you really believe that? Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You've turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance; you betrayed me."

_How dare he say that!_ she thinks, clenching her fist in rage and trying with every shred of self-control in her body to keep herself from punching him. "Now, you listen to me, Kaidan." She matches his advance, and they now stand almost nose to nose. "You know me better than anyone. You know that I wouldn't agree to this unless something necessitated it. I understand that it was hard for you thinking that I was dead. But you know what? It was awfully damn hard _being_ dead for two years and waking up to nobody I knew and unable to find anybody that I knew other than Joker."

"I don't even want to speak to you anymore! You've changed!" Kaidan shouts.

Miranda looks at Garrus to see if they should intervene in the shouting match. Garrus just gives a curt shake of his head. These two will have to work it out on their own. They'll call for help if they need it.

Kaidan spins on his heel to leave, and it's too much for Shepard. "I don't think so!" she screams and full-body tackles him to the ground. Kaidan may have more muscle mass, but she has surprise, unending fury, and N7 training on her side. She quickly places her knee in his back and secures his arms behind his body, using her weight to pin the rest of him down, the new cybernetics giving her a little more mass than she used to have. "You are going to hear everything I have to say to you! I have been through hell the past few weeks, and the least you can do is hear what I have to say!"

"Why didn't you search for me?" he shoots back angrily. "If you wanted to talk so bad, you could've looked for me!"

"You think I didn't?" she screeches, pulling his arms tighter to stop his struggling. He winces slightly at the change in angle. "I went to see Anderson almost immediately after I woke up, and he said he couldn't tell me where you were and that there was no way to contact you. How was I supposed to find you? Carrier pigeon!?"

Kaidan mumbles something unintelligible.

"I could say the same thing about you," she argues. "You obviously heard rumors about me. Why didn't you try to contact me?"

Kaidan sighs. "Can you let me up? I promise I won't try to leave."

Shepard looks at him appraisingly. "I'll shoot you in the leg if you try."

Kaidan manages a dry chuckle, knowing she's being serious since he was there when she pulled a gun on poor Conrad Verner, before Shepard lets him up from the ground. The two of them stand and face each other. "I guess…I was afraid of what I'd find out. I didn't want to know if you were with Cerberus."

"So, me being with Cerberus was more of a concern to you than me being alive?"

Kaidan grimaces. "That's not really what I meant," he starts. "I just didn't know what I would do if you were with them. I can't exactly come with you."

"Of course, you can," Shepard shrugs. "Garrus is with me."

"Wouldn't dream of it any other way, Shepard," Garrus calls to her.

She shoots a smirk at her best friend. "See? It's easy. The Council mucks everything up, we save the galaxy, and then they thank us at the end. Just like old times."

"But you're with Cerberus," he says with a glare at Miranda.

"I wouldn't glare so much, Alenko," Miranda says. "I'm the one who put the Commander back together. We worked a miracle to get her where she is now."

Kaidan digests that information. "You really were dead, then?"

"Yeah," Shepard replies quietly. "For two years, I was just in a lab, Kaidan. When I woke up," she gulps, hating feeling vulnerable, "I was surrounded by people I didn't know and being attacked by mechs. Only three people made it off the lab station where I was. I didn't know anyone, and I couldn't contact anyone. Joker is still my pilot, and I can't tell you how happy I was to see that annoying guy. He couldn't stop apologizing for what happened to me, but I was just so happy to see him again that I didn't care that saving him killed me the first time around. Nobody had heard from Garrus in a really long time, but I finally found him on Omega. All I wanted to do was get my life back on track, but human colonies are disappearing, and I have to fix it. I think the Reapers may be involved, and I have to finish what I started on Eden Prime."

Kaidan chuckles fondly, remembering how she pushed him out of the way of the beacon and was then caught in it herself. Shepard may be ruthless, but she gets things done and cares about the people on her crew. He gulps thickly. "Why Cerberus?"

"Because they gave me the resources that I needed to investigate the colonies. Because they rebuilt the Normandy and gave me back Joker. I don't have to like them to be able to complete this mission. Then, when everything is over, I'll be able to go on my merry way. Well, that or I'll be dead again, I suppose. I died once; I can die again," she says succinctly.

"I don't want to lose you again," Kaidan admits quietly.

"You don't have to, Kaidan. Even if you can't come with me, I can wait for you. There's always the extranet. And if I'm alive at the end of this, we can see each other again."

Kaidan looks uncomfortably at his shoes. "I've kinda been seeing this doctor on the Citadel."

Shepard is grateful for her hard exterior. Otherwise, she probably would have actually gasped at the pain and shock that reverberated through her body. "I see," she says instead, taking on the Commander persona rather than the more relaxed version of herself she lets out with people like Garrus and Joker. Her face hardens into its marsh mask, and she straightens her stance back to its military default. "Well, thank you for your time, Kaidan. We'd better be getting back to the Normandy. I hope you get back wherever you're going safely." She pivots on her heel and walks sedately back to her companions. She taps her communicator. "Joker, get us out of here."

"Shepard, wait!" Kaidan calls.

"I have nothing to say to, Kaidan," she snaps back.

"You made me listen to you, so now you should listen to me!" he argues.

Garrus looks down at Shepard. "Shepard, maybe you should hear what he has to say."

Shepard looks up at Garrus, the one who never doubted her, the one who came with her without question. He believes in her. If Garrus thinks she should listen, then maybe she should. "Fine," she growls, turning around to face Kaidan once more. "Joker, hold up a sec."

"Okay, Commander," Joker drawls through the comm.

"Make it quick," she snaps at Kaidan. She can see him fidget a bit under the weight of her stare.

"Shepard, I…I didn't know what to do without you. I was frozen for so long, and my colleagues kept telling me that I needed to move on, so I went out for drinks with this doctor I met on the Citadel."

Shepard nods, still not breaking the hard exterior. "You said you loved me, past tense. Do you love this woman now?"

"No," Kaidan admits. "It's not serious or anything."

Shepard takes a few steps toward him and drops her voice to a whisper. "Have you slept with her?"

"No," Kaidan denies quickly and equally quietly. "I haven't…since…I can't."

Shepard feels a bit of satisfaction with his answer. At least she's made some sort of lasting impression. "If it isn't serious, then why can't you be with me?"

"If you would've let me finish," he grumbles, "I was going to say that I wanted to tell her what was going on first. I don't want to just never call her again, even though it isn't serious and we've only gone out for dinner a couple of times. She deserves to know why I won't be seeing her anymore. Then I'll be happy to wait for you, Shepard."

Shepard, ruthless and frightening though she may be, can't stop the small grin from forming on her face. She looks up into Kaidan's eyes and sees a similar expression reflected there. "I'll try not to die this time." She turns her head slightly to glance back at her companions. "Would you like to come up and see the ship? It won't take very long, and it's not like anyone is left down here."

Kaidan looks conflicted, but she can tell when one side finally wins. "You know what? I think I will. I just won't tell anyone at HQ that I got on a Cerberus ship."

"Come on, Kaidan," Shepard says, grabbing his arm and pulling him over to Garrus and Miranda. "Joker, come get us. We've got a straggler too."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Kaidan! Long time, no see!" Joker greets from his leather chair, spinning around to see his old crewmate.

"Hey, Joker," Kaidan replies with a smile.

"Do you see this seat? It's real leather!" Joker brags.

"That's…great," Kaidan says, surprised at how excited the pilot is about the chair.

"Come on, Kaidan. I'll give you a tour of the rest of the ship. We'll leave you alone with the chair, Joker," Shepard calls, looping her arm through Kaidan's and pulling him away from the cockpit.

"Hey!" Joker yells in offense, but they are already walking away.

"He'll never change," Kaidan remarks, looking around at the impressive interior of the Normandy CR-2. "This is really nice, actually."

"It is," Shepard confirms. "I only wish that the Alliance had been the ones to help me. After everything I did for them, I would've thought they would been more accommodating. And happier that I'm actually alive. But nope. They're still the same jerks they've always been."

"Sorry, Shepard. What about Anderson?"

"Anderson was just as great to me as always, but he's only one man. There's not much he can do for me. He wouldn't even tell me what you were up to when I asked."

"It was classified," Kaidan remarks.

"I'm not an idiot, Kaidan." Shepard rolls her eyes. "I was just hoping he might do something nice for me. Like slip me your extranet address or something. But he probably couldn't risk getting fired for giving information on an Alliance officer to an agent of Cerberus. I get it. Doesn't mean I'm not ticked about it."

"I've missed you, Shepard," Kaidan says softly.

"Does my snarky attitude bring back pleasant memories?" she asks, batting her eyes dramatically.

"You could say that."

Shepard takes Kaidan around the ship, starting at the bottom and working her way up. The engineers are very excited to be on the ship and ecstatic to meet another Alliance hero. Shepard has to practically pry them off of Kaidan to go forward with their journey. Zaeed merely grunts at the man and gives him a critical once-over before remarking that he doesn't think Kaidan has the balls to handle the Commander. Shepard punches Zaeed in the shoulder and keeps moving. Kaidan scowls a bit, wondering why people think he wouldn't be a good match for Shepard. She seems to like him just fine.

He's happy to see Dr. Chakwas again, and it's reassuring to see Garrus at home around the weapons systems. Kelly is a little too chipper to be an effective assistant for the Commander, but he just replies to her hello with proper niceties. Mordin is…interesting. He speaks very fast, and Kaidan has to really concentrate to follow his train of thought. The last person he has to meet is Jacob, and he finds that he doesn't mind the other man. He's a little disappointed that Jacob left the Alliance to join Cerberus, but he's happy that Shepard has someone on the ship who respects her for her military career. It makes him wish that he could go with her, but he just can't leave the Alliance after everything he's worked for.

Shepard is one of those people who are larger than life. Everyone knows her name and knows what she's done. Kaidan...Kaidan doesn't have that luxury. He's known for being on the crew of the Normandy, for loving the Commander. But if you say his name to a child on the Citadel, they probably won't know him. Shepard, on the other hand, they'll jump up and down about the Savior of the Citadel. After she comes out of this, the Alliance will probably accept her with open arms because of her reputation. They might have to go through some investigation for show, but Shepard will come out on top. Everyone in the public sector associates her with the strength of the Alliance Military. They'd be complete idiots to just abandon that perception, especially if she is successful in this mission.

"Okay," Shepard declares, punching the last floor on the elevator panel. "I think you'll be jealous when you see this."

"What's this floor?"

"My cabin," she says, shooting him a satisfied smile.

The door whooshes open, and he realizes that the cabin takes up the entirety of this floor. She pokes the door panel and walks through the opening. Kaidan walks into the room, and his mouth drops open. "Whoa," he whispers.

"Definitely an upgrade from my old cabin, huh?"

"This is great!" he exclaims, walking over to the fish tank and looking at all of the exotic fish inside. He turns around and sees the fluffy bed and comfortable sitting area. "That's not military issue."

"No, it isn't. It's much better than the old one. I can actually get a little bit of sleep now and then." She sets her helmet down on the table in the sitting area. "You can sit down if you want. I'm going to go change into something less bloody."

Kaidan nods and sinks down onto the couch, pulling off the breastplate of his armor and revealing the plain undershirt in an effort to be more comfortable. Shepard grabs out a pair of black pants and a gray N7 shirt to take to the bathroom to change. "You have your own bathroom?" Kaidan asks, baffled at the addition.

Shepard laughs, remembering the days when she had to share with everyone else on the ship. "Oh yeah. It's the best. Be right back." She walks over to the bathroom door and lets it shut behind her. Kaidan hears the shower turn on after a minute, and he breathes out a heavy exhale.

He's on the Normandy. Shepard is alive. Shepard is _alive_. After the accident, he really didn't know what to do with himself. He had plans for them, and then she just wasn't there anymore. He lifts up his head to look around the cabin again, and he sees the big display of model ships. Standing from the couch, he walks around to examine them. There's a tiny Normandy up on the shelf and another…something…is in pieces on the desk. He chuckles at her hobby. There wasn't much time for hobbies in the Alliance, but it seems that there must be in Cerberus. Turning his head slightly, his breath catches in his chest. There's a picture of him next to one of her computer monitors. He slowly steps over to it and picks it up.

A whoosh sounds behind him. "I had to have something of you," Shepard says quietly after realizing what he's looking at.

Kaidan tries to swallow past the thick lump of emotion lodged in his throat, but he can't. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I should've tried to contact you."

"You don't need to apologize, Kaidan. It wouldn't have done any good to get your hopes up and then find out I'm still dead. I wouldn't want you to go through that pain again."

"Still, I…" he trails off, clutching the picture in his hands and looking down at it. He gives up trying to explain anything more. "I missed you. So much."

He feels slender arms snake around his waist and Shepard's head rest against the middle of his back. "I've missed you too. I'm sure that it hasn't been the same as yours…being alone for two years rather than just a few weeks, but…something's been missing without you."

"I've been lost for two years. Just floating through life, Shepard. I thought we'd be together always, and then you died, and I just…I didn't know what to do with myself anymore," he admits.

"I'm so sorry, Kaidan." Her arms tighten around him, and she feels embarrassing tears prick in her eyes. "I never wanted to leave you. You were the last thing I thought about before everything faded away."

Kaidan feels tears in his own eyes at her admission, and he makes a decision. "Can I use your computer?"

Shepard balks at the blatant change in topic. "Sure?" She unwraps her arms from him and turns on the machine in question. "Here you go."

He sets the picture back down on the desk and takes a seat in front of the computer. Shepard raises an eyebrow, but she leaves him to his task and grants him some level of privacy. Walking over to the fish tank, she presses the button to release the food and then sinks down on the couch to wait for Kaidan to be done with whatever he's doing.

She's nearly falling asleep from exhaustion from the mission by the time Kaidan is finished. "There," he states with finality, shutting down the monitor and joining her on the couch.

Shepard snaps herself out of the almost nap she was preparing to take. "Is everything okay?" she asks cautiously.

Kaidan just smiles at her. His white teeth are visible. "Is your offer to come with you still open?"

Shepard's breath catches in her throat, and her mouth parts slightly, hope taking root in her soul. "Of course, Kaidan. I wouldn't make an offer without meaning it."

The decision shocked Kaidan when he made it, but he just can't imagine his life without this woman. If he had to pick her or the Alliance, he'd pick her. He already knows what life is like without her, and it's bleak. When thinking in those terms, the correct path for him is obvious. "Then, if it's all right with you, I'll be coming with me. I just sent messages to everyone at the Alliance. Might not be the same as doing it in person with all the paperwork and such, but I'm not willing to waste any more time. As long as we can stop in at the Citadel to further explain everything, I'm all yours, Shepard."

Shepard has always been more of a woman of action than words, and that isn't going to change now. Instead of speaking, she launches herself at him, folding his larger body in her arms and clutching him as tightly as possible. "You can put your stuff in here," she states resolutely.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I don't want to waste any more time either. We've already lost too much. And I'm pretty sure everyone here knows about us or at least has an idea about it." She leans back from where she's buried in his neck and raises one perfect brow. "And do you really think that anyone on this ship would cross me?"

Kaidan laughs heartily. "No, I don't suppose they would."

Shepard looks down at Kaidan from her place straddling his lap. He has such a kind face. Handsome too. She brings up her hand and runs it through his hair. It's so pale against his black hair, and she's transfixed by the sight. "I still love you," she whispers, not wanting to break the quiet moment that has overtaken them.

"I love you, Shepard. Always will," he replies equally quietly. His hands move across her back, re-familiarizing himself with her. Not that he could ever forget.

He sees the glint in her eyes before she lurches forward, and he meets her lips with his own. They surrender to the passionate embrace in the way that only true lovers can, knowing each other better than they know themselves. After all this time, he's back home again and she's whole once more.

She pulls back from him and smirks down at his flushed face. "Are you ready for another death-defying mission to save the galaxy?"

He returns her expression. He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't looking forward to traveling and fighting with her again. "As long as you're with me, I'm ready for anything."

**Author's Note:**

> There, I fixed it! :D
> 
> Even though Kaidan sent messages to everyone, I imagine he would still want to stop in and confirm everything, make sure everyone knows he wasn't kidnapped, further explain to this doctor the details of the situation, etc. He's still Kaidan, but I really can't imagine him not agreeing to go with her after they've had time to talk and understand the full situation of the Collectors.


End file.
